Mrs. Right by Lance Manion… Virgin Naive Cynic

Mrs. Right by Lance Manion… Virgin Naive Cynic

Today enjoy another sharp story by Lance Manion: Mrs. Right… Slut Virgin Naive Cynic Outgoing. Have a nice Sunday, Yareah friends!


Mrs Potato Face by Lucy Toner

Mrs. Right

She had always believed that when she met the right man he would uncover the real her. She wasn’t sure if someone told her this or if she read it in a book but she decided early on that it made sense in a fairy tale sort of way. From high school on, every time she met a man that had potential she made sure to become a very different person than she’d ever been before just in case he was the one.

She would laugh at everything, she would laugh at nothing, she would be very emotional, she would be unavailable. Slut. Virgin. Naive. Cynic. Outgoing. Shy. Each man required a completely different combination. On top of the butterflies she felt when she saw an attractive man there were a few additional winged creatures stirring in her stomach at the thought of who she might become. As the years went on it became harder and harder to invent someone totally new to be and especially difficult to stay in character as the budding relationships developed.

Sometimes she forgot which personality went with which guy.

By her mid-20s she had personas that were pyromaniacs, kleptomaniacs and garden-variety maniacs. Some of the time the relationship ended not because she didn’t like him but because she didn’t enjoy being who she was with him.

I would mention what her friends thought about this romantic strategy but by then she had no friends. Even her oldest pals had to give up on her. Some people disappear when they are in a relationship and blow off their friends but she was worse. She hid in plain sight. None of them would listen to her when she tried to explain that she was just trying to find the right Mrs. Right lurking inside her so she would be damned if she was going to make an appointment at $100 an hour to explain it any of the numerous psychiatrists they suggested. She did keep the cards though and ended up making bits of artwork with them, all in the vein of macaroni art.

She was very proud of them but nobody was ever allowed to actually see them.

Ironically enough the next man she met that she identified as having potential was a psychiatrist. Without realizing it she quickly put together a group of characteristics and quirks that actually mirrored herself. If she would have time to think about it she would have been angry because to end up being who she was all along would have been very anticlimactic but there seemed to be no danger of that. The man bringing her home from the bar quickly identified her as a crazy person and never bothered to call when he was done with her.

He didn’t even stay the night.

She’d never been a stalker before so she added that to the list of features she had hastily thrown together making up her current incarnation. Because she’d never been a stalker before she was bad at it but the psychiatric found it quaint. He was used to the hard-boiled naturals so her attempts at stalking came off as almost endearing so he asked her out again and they repeated this scenario a few times before she realized that she hated stalking and she moved on to another persona with a truck driver from Wichita.

His body was found near Omaha.

She realized that she was running out of people to be and the ones that she hadn’t tried were getting less and less savory so she went back to stalking and she and the psychiatrist were married the following spring.

His last name was Wright.

View Comments (1)
  • Mrs Right remembers me my sister 🙁 Good story Lance Manion. Congratulations


Lance Manion has been called demented, hilarious, quirky and well outside the mainstream. He has released 5 collections of short stories, contributes to numerous online flash fiction sites and blogs daily on his website Currently, his fifth book named "The Trembling Fist" is out and promises to be his fifthest yet. I'm sure there are a lot of redeeming features about Lance that we could mention but none of them are coming to mind just now. If we think of any we'll be sure to get back to you.

More in Books

Creatives working at The Phoenix Artist

Independent venue launches hub for London’s creative community

Yareah MagazineJuly 19, 2016

Sunday Poetry with Jenean C. Gilstrap. A Midnight Clear in Kansas

Yareah MagazineJune 19, 2016
The Nantucket Book Festival

Book lovers. The Nantucket Book Festival features a stellar line-up of authors and events

Yareah MagazineMay 11, 2016
Ceramics by Sister Augustine

Author John Schlimm has won a Christopher Award for Five Years in Heaven

Yareah MagazineMay 5, 2016
Ken O'neill. Casino Woman in Red Throwing Dice

Sunday Poetry with Jenean C. Gilstrap. Today: burn baby burn

Jenean C GilstrapApril 24, 2016
Lions painted in the Chauvet Cave. This is a replica of the painting from the Brno museum Anthropos. The absence of the mane sometimes leads to these paintings being described as portraits of lionesses. Source: Wikipedia. Author: HTO - Own work (own photo)

Sunday Poetry with Gypsy Woman, Jenean C. Gilstrap. Today: Home

Jenean C GilstrapApril 17, 2016

Yareah Magazine

Art is Everywhere and Up to You.

About Us - Press Kit - Contact Us

YM on Twitter

Top Posts & Pages

Yareah® Magazine is a Registered Trademark in the United States