We returned to our room. Adriana and Melody immediately flopped themselves onto the bed, buzzing from a cocktail of Absinthe and my bad-assedness.
“As sucky as that was,” Melody began. “I have to admit that it felt good to get attention and feel wanted again.
I almost forgot what it felt like. But most importantly, Jimmy, I owe you a huge thank you. I was so stupid to go out there with him alone.”
Adriana pulled out a bottle of wine and poured us all a cup. We silently took a sip, well beyond the need for a toast. She then pulled out a box of fancy truffles.
Melody and I each grabbed one enthusiastically, but just as were about to place them in our mouth, Adriana yelled “Stop!”
“What the hell?,” Melody asked.
“If you’re going to eat my truffles, you have to eat them the right way. These are special.”
“What’s the right way?,” I naively asked.
“You have to savor them. These aren’t Hershey’s Kisses. This is expensive shit. And you have to respect it. You have to let it melt in your mouth. You don’t bite it. You don’t suck it. You let it melt.”
Adriana demonstrated. I wasn’t sure if she was trying to be seductive in a dominatrix sort of way, but it sure looked it.
“Understand,” she asked.
“You got to be kidding me,“ Melody said.
“No. I’m not. It’s a French thing,” Adriana said.
“But you’re not French,” Melody reminded her.
“No. But I teach it. Just like I just taught you guys.”
Melody and I proceeded to eat our truffle in the manner in which we were taught. I slowly put my tongue up to it, mocking Adriana. Melody laughed.
“It’s not funny,” Adriana said.
“I’m respecting the truffle!,” I protested.
“It’s not a clit,” she said.
“You would know,” Melody retorted as the three of us continued to savor our truffle, not so much out of respect for the fine delicacy in our mouths, but out of fear of what Adriana would do to us if we ate it like a normal person.
“I’ve had dreams like this,” I added.
“About eating truffles?,” Melody asked.
“Nothing. Nevermind,” I said, quickly covering up my tracks.
“No. Elaborate,” Adriana demanded.
“I was only kidding.”
“About what?,” Adriana asked.
“He means a threesome,” Melody said, getting straight to the point, despite my denial.
“What? Are you serious?”
“No?,” Melody said, seemingly disappointed.
“That’s not what I meant at all,” I said, realizing it was no use.
“Have you ever had one before?,” Melody asked.
“No,” I replied.
“Neither have I,” Melody said, turning toward Adriana. “What about you?”
“No comment,” Adriana replied.
“I don’t know. I think so. In college once.”
“How would you forget a thing like that?,” I asked.
“I did a lot of crazy shit.”
“Little Miss Prim and Proper?,” Melody teased.
“I said did.”
“How about another one?,” Melody asked.
“Sure, why not,” Adriana replied matter-of-factly as though she was just asked if she wanted another truffle.
Meanwhile, I sat in stunned silence. This had to be a dream. How could it not be?
They both turned to me.
“This is a joke, right?”
“I’m in if you’re in,” Melody said to me.
“I am pretty horny,” Adriana said.
“Where do we begin?,” I asked.
I won’t give you the details about what transpired, other than to indicate that it did indeed happen. We also finished the bottle of wine. And the truffles. And we didn’t necessarily eat them the “right way,” either. And I did not have to sleep on the pullout couch that night. I will leave the rest of the details to the imagination. Some things are better off that way.