Just as I was about to comment on the insanity unfolding before our eyes, Andrei motioned toward Adriana and Melody. The accepted at once, without hesitation. Was Andrei a sorcerer?, I wondered to myself. There could be no other explanation. I watched as they joined the melee and proceeded to make snow angels. I kept waiting for them to allow Andrei to kiss them, too thus confirming my suspicions of sorcery. But even drunk, snow angel-making Russians know their limits.
“Hey, Jimmy!,” Adriana called out. “Join us!”
“I’m good,” I said. I really was. There was nothing appealing about rolling around in the snow in my a swimsuit. The again, neither was riding a 200 foot roller coaster when I was 10 years old, but I ended up becoming a convert for life. This thought + wine + baby sip of vodka + four hot chicks – one drunk Russian dude = why the hell not? So I climbed out of the tub and dove into the snow, where I was greeted with drunken applause. I was surprised at how good it felt! It wasn’t cold at all. The warmth of the hot tub, combined with my body hair, made me realize how much in common I had with a polar bear after all – a comparison I never thought would be apt, but suddenly was.
A few seconds later and I was reminded once again of my humanity. I was not a polar bear. I was a human being. And human beings weren’t meant to lie in the snow in nothing but a swimsuit for very long. So we all high-tailed it back to the hot tub. How the rest of them stayed out as long as they did, I have no clue. Little did I know that the most unpleasant part of the whole experience was re-entry into the tub. It stung. Like a motherfucking bee. Yet, I was the only one who seemed to be feeling it – at least outwardly, creating yet another opportunity for Adriana and Melody to get on my case about my lack of masculinity. Story of my life and presumably partially why my ex left me in the first place. But I digress.
After we finished off the bottle of wine (and in the case of Adriana and Melody – half of Andrei’s vodka vodka), we headed back to the room, ordered a pizza and fell asleep. It was my last night as a ski virgin.