The sadness of an abortion

The sadness of an abortion
Always 3 faces

Always 3 faces

Paris. About fifteen years before Day I

I saw something strange on his face for the first time. Under his dark glasses, you can feel something similar to compassion, something like darkness under a human skin.

‘Take a sit.’ The nurse said. ‘Are you sure you want to do this?’

‘I am not sure of anything.’ I liked to say, but I kept on silence. ‘I’m sure, absolutely sure.’ And I made my famous fake smile that so many times I would use later with so many people.

Room was very clean, with no sign of humankind at all.

‘The doctor will come in five minutes. Have you come here alone?’

Alone, always alone.

‘Yes, I’m alone.’ I answered. When she looked at me I could see my mother’s face scolding me again. I am still a child, mom… please forgive me.

‘I saw girls who came here even five times.’ The nurse looked like an old woman with young eyes. ‘I tell them for five times: think it twice.’

‘I’m sure of it.’ And I smiled and smiled and smiled again. Could I do anything more during the rest of my life?

‘Have you talked with your parents?’ I can see their faces, I can see their shame and their disappointment… their deception, their humiliation, their crying sickness, their loosing daughter losing her life. ‘Doctor is arriving. Do you want to wait more?’

‘I’m sure.’

Again and again.

Come with me, please, were her last words.

I passed next hours slept.

…And my baby began to cry:

There’s a white forest beyond the lighthouse and my mother says hello to me with her right hand. Bad signal, bad signal. I see her face and she is not happy. Does she know it? The forest is plenty of silver firs and he is happy then. Don’t cry, my child, don’t cry. I would like to return to the other world and to say stop to the doctor… but I can’t. We have still some minutes before you die, my child. I would like to do it, I was wrong with my decision, my child, I was wrong. I feel the scalpel cutting my skin, but we are still together, my child, we are still together. Stop it! Stop it! I would like to shout. Could my tears stop the fatal scalpel? They wouldn’t. In the forest, I could hear my child’s groan. I promise, my child… I will find a way to be with you. You promise? I will, I do. Forever, my child… dream with me, dream with me again.

**Fake Game, serial novel by Martin Cid. First Chapter http://yareah.com/?p=1846

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